Over the past year of my life, I have been faced with numerous situations which have tested my strength and character. Situations surrounding my health, the breakdown and subsequent rebuilding of my family, a cancer diagnosis of a loved one, and personal and relationship struggles. For a while, it felt like it was just one thing after another, like I was being tested over and over again, and that it had to be some kind of messed-up joke. Each time I got up, picked myself up and carried on in the best way I could manage.

This project was made at a time in my life when everything became too much. I was surrounded by my grief: an unsurmountable wall separating me from my friends and family, leaving me completely consumed by my thoughts. I was caught in a place between real life and living in my memories of how things used to be. I was in a place where time stood still and the pain felt so real. I was living in my own world and I didn’t know how to escape it. Simple life tasks became incredibly difficult; I was unable to create art; and just the thought of speaking with friends, or carrying on, became too exhausting. This project became a way for me to communicate my pain, to confront these images of the past, and use them to move on. This is my attempt to try and start living again, confront the strange things happening to my body, to my mind and to myself, and put a name to all the things I didn’t understand. I want to move on, I want to forgive and accept, I want to change. I want to heal. 

My aunt used to tell me that she was a delicate flower, that she was a sugar cube that would melt in the rain, but I never felt that way about myself.

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